You know why talking about the pas sucks? Its because it hurts more than the day it    happened and it keeps hurting you even it’s already over. For the past years that me and my girl had in this relationship the past is a very important thing for the both of us…well maybe not totally for the both of us may 80% important for her and the 20% is mine because i don’t talk a lot about the past and do not bring the past up in our daily conversation. Me and my girlfriend had a very wonderful dinner last night maybe for her but for me not totally a very wonderful night, do want to know why? well its all because almost all of our topics that time was about the past. I know i’m just to exaggerating about the topic but my point is it just hurts in my part, don’t worry ill explain later. The topic i was just hurt is just the topic about her ex-lover (cant say his name).

On that night after i got the the money from my grandmother we went to a BBQ house to eat because both of us wer very hungry that both of us can eat a horse. After we ate our dinner we did not leave immediately, we started talking about happy things we have done for the day specially her day, i did not mind about my day cause i was very interested knowing her day at the office and other things she done for the past days we haven’t seen each other, when she spoke about a topic about her ex-lover about the things they have done and i can see the smile and the joy in her eyes and it hurts my heart so much when i can see that joy in her while talking about him. I know i should not be hurt because it’s the past  but my deal is almost all of our past experiences as couples were not that great and if she talks about the things we have done i can see the same joy and gladness in her eyes not like when she talks about the things she talks about the happy things she experienced with her ex-lover the joy and gladness is really showing up.

this was not the first time i felt this way its every time when she opens her mouth and sets out the topic about the things they have done, just last night i snapped and i cant take it any longer. i know i should have told her about this but i cant spoil the joy she is feeling at the moment because she doesn’t have many joyful memories with me even though we spent longer times than her ex-lover but he had the right things done that hit my girlfriends heart. I am doing all the tricks i know, pulling all the strings i have got but still the joy she felt with that guy cant be compared to the things i have done for her for the past 22 months of our relationship, i know he made my girlfriend happier more than i did because of the fact that she cant forget it and if when she talks about it i can see the joy and happiness in her eyes that i cant see when she is talking about all the things I’ve done for her. i don’t know what does he have dot i don’t, well, clearly i have the better looks but the rest is history. in comparison in the eyes of my girlfriend ( in my opinion of course): he’s more funny than me, he is richer than me. smarter than me, obviously taller than me, he is a better gentleman than i am and the list goes on and on and on. Well, maybe because all of those reasons that’s why my girlfriend let her self kissed, touched and almost give her virginity to her ex-lover. i admit they had more connections that we had and i knew her longer than he did but still i lost the battle, it hurts to admit it but its the truth, i lost it but it doesn’t mean i’m giving up already ill still fight my love for her even though i know in my heart she will not forget the feelings that she had for him. i love my girlfriend so much that’s why even i’m so injured so much i will still continue to fight for her.

Have you ever experienced that a certain person will just reply to u with a simple word “o.k” or in filipino “Cge” under a very nice conversation? if u ever did experience and if you feel mad, furious or insulted? well join club my friend cause i know how you feel. I really hate when a person replies only just a single word just like o.k cause for me that a sign that the person you’re talking with is very bored with the conversation you are having, or just he or she just want you to stop the conversation because he/she is not interested to hear it. Is that so hard to say if you are not interested in a certain topic or you are bored? there are so many ways to say it and not making the person who you are talking with not being offended, insulted or violated, for example in a situation that you are talking about a topic that both of you are interested but in a certain time that you will get bored maybe because of fatigue from work or any activity you had on that day, you can just tell her directly that you can absorb all the things that he or  she is saying because you are so tired from work, in a field trip or other stuffs. i do understand the fact that there are time that u can’t of things what you should reply because of fatigue but i don’t really fucking believe on the reason that he or she will just reply O.K for no reason. everything that is happening in this world has a reason even our own existence so for those who are saying that you don’t know why you did it and saying that is the truth, please do yourself a favor keep it that reason for your self, you know why? it’s because it’s either your just ashamed of the reason behind that answer or just because your just shy in saying that reason but if you have other reasons for that well that’s not my problem anymore just pls do your self a favor and give others justice and just tell the truth if they are boring or if you are not interested in the topic or to the things that they are telling you, like they say “the truth will set you free” eve though “the truth hurts” 

Dear teds,

It’s been 19 months teds seen we’ve been couples again when u gave me another shot to save this relationship and prove my love for you. I know I’m not the perfect man for nor even the right guy for you to be with but I’m still hoping to change all of that so that I will be the man of your life. We have done so many things now this past 19 months, some of those are the things that we want and we need to forget. There are those memories that we wanted to preserve and as possible repeat it all over again.

It was the month of June when we first saw each other we were 1^st years; Zareen introduced me to you “Harold si Ria diay” you smiled, waved and said “Hello”. I ever knew on that day I already found the girl that I want to marry and be my wife for the rest of my life. On that day I already had a crush on you because you were so cute and so huggable. I always remember that we always played “sarsi cute” and I always cheat because I really love to pinch you in the cheeks , but you always argue that I was I cheater and you were right but I did not admit it.

1^st year had ended and 2^nd year started we were classmates I was so glad when I saw a familiar face in the room. We were not that close at that time but I always remember how you massage my head on that time when I always had a head ache I did not even care if Cheng was jealous I just wanted to feel your hand on my head because it was so relaxing, it felt like the whole world did not matter to me.

Another year had ended and year to start, it was our junior years we were not classmates anymore but still we were still close at that time every snack time I go to your room and great you, tease most of the time, and still even pinch you because of your cuteness.

Here comes the senior years, the years we were so close to each other the years I knew I had feelings for you not just a crush but more than that. You always deny that I never had a crush on you on that time because of the fact that I was so inlove with Jane but I was telling the truth.

Many years have passed teds we have been together for a long time before we became couples we were friends, now we made a new chapter on our friendship we became lovers a new upgrade to our lives. You ask me why I can’t accept if we broke up can we be still be friends. My answer to that is simple friendship is not an option if you enter a relationship there is only survival to up to the finish and marry each other or breaking up and moving on. In the past I don’t want to be your boyfriend it’s not because don’t like you it’s because I don’t want to lose you because you are so important to me, and now you are my girlfriend there are more reasons why I can’t lose you, I cannot afford to lose a friend and cannot afford to lose the girl of my life that I hopefully marry soon and stay old and have grandchildren’s.

19 months it may be a short period of time if we compare it to others but for me it’s the best 19 months of my life because I have you here in my mind and heart. I love you so much Ria Janine Baslot, I will never let you go. Like I said I’d rather die than to survive in this world without you in my life.

(Sorry if I did not write in pen I’m still working on my hand writing for the time comes when I will write on our marriage contract I will look good)